When discussing ancient marriage customs, many men like to wistfully imagine a time when they could have multiple wives and concubines—perhaps even boasting of a household full of women, as long as their own wives aren’t within earshot. But was this really the case? Could the ancient Chinese really marry multiple women? Let’s dive into the fascinating history of ancient Chinese marriage practices and uncover the truth.

The Origins of Marriage: A Casual Affair

In the earliest stages of human society, there were no formal marriages—just what we could call “casual unions.” People could marry anyone they could hold onto, and there were no formal ceremonies or commitments. The Liezi (an ancient Chinese text) describes a time when men and women mingled freely without the constraints of formal engagement. This was not unlike the mating rituals of animals, where relationships were driven purely by physical attraction.

Imagine a time where marriage was essentially a free-for-all, and any woman in your vicinity could be your wife—so long as you could “hold on” to her. Sounds like chaos, right?

Bloodline Group Marriage: The First Step Towards Order

But as societies began to form and cultures developed, people realized that such casual unions were, well, not the best way to ensure stability or civilization. It was even considered somewhat barbaric—particularly when you consider the possibility of, let’s say, marrying your close relatives. Yikes!

This led to the first form of structured marriage: bloodline group marriage. In this system, people within the same family group could marry, but only within their own generation. The idea was to prevent incestuous relationships with older relatives and was a significant step toward the development of ethics in human relationships. The famous mythological figures Fuxi and Nuwa, who were brother and sister, are often cited as examples of this system in Chinese folklore.

The Wild, Wild “Marriage Raids”

However, after a while, people started to get bored of marrying within their own family group. Additionally, in some tribes where there were more men than women, the competition for wives became intense. What did the ancient Chinese do? They resorted to marriage raids—literally kidnapping women from neighboring tribes.

Picture this: Under the cover of twilight, a group of men would sneak into another tribe and, upon finding a suitable woman, carry her off to become their wife. Interestingly, this wasn’t just about one man; the women often ended up with multiple husbands, creating a polyandrous marriage structure. This form of marriage wasn’t a development in its own right but a supplement to the existing bloodline group marriage system.

While some may view this practice as barbaric, there was an unexpected benefit: the children born from these “raids” tended to be healthier. Meanwhile, those born from in-group marriages often suffered from genetic defects. This discovery, though crude, led to the next evolutionary step in marriage: exogamous group marriage.

Exogamous Group Marriage: Time to Find a Spouse Outside the Family

With the realization that marrying outside the family produced healthier offspring, societies gradually shifted to exogamous group marriage. In this system, men were encouraged to seek wives from other tribes, while women remained in their own tribe. The key here is that marriage wasn’t a one-to-one affair; a woman could marry multiple men from different tribes, and children would identify with the mother’s lineage, not the father’s.

This practice led to the development of a matrilineal society, where family ties and inheritance were traced through the mother, not the father. This system wasn’t stable, however. Men and women often formed deeper bonds with one particular spouse, and the groundwork for pair marriages (i.e., monogamous relationships) began to take shape.

Pair Marriage: The Beginning of Stability

Eventually, people began to form more stable, long-term partnerships. A woman might still marry multiple men, but she began to favor one above the others—a “primary husband.” Men, in turn, could marry multiple women, but would often maintain one primary wife. This practice was a stepping stone toward modern monogamy and is considered the foundation of family life as we know it today.

Interestingly, some indigenous groups in China, like the Mosuo people, still practice a form of walking marriage, where individuals maintain separate households but share a deep emotional and sexual bond. This arrangement resembles the early pair marriage system.

The Rise of Patriarchy and the Shift to Monogamy

With the advent of agriculture, men’s roles became more vital to society, and they gradually gained more control. The rise of private property and the desire to pass on wealth to heirs led to the development of the patrilineal system, where lineage and inheritance were traced through the father.

This marked a pivotal shift in marriage. The idea of family ownership and inheritance made it essential for children to know who their father was. The one husband, one wife structure that we recognize today began to take hold. However, it wasn’t always as simple as it sounds. Though China officially adopted a monogamous system, the practice of taking concubines remained widespread, especially among the wealthy and royal classes. This is why emperors like Qianlong could have multiple wives over the course of their lives—though not all at once!

Conclusion: The Enduring Legacy of Ancient Marriage Systems

The evolution of marriage in ancient China—from casual unions to complex family structures—reflects the development of human society itself. Today, we see the remnants of these ancient practices in various cultural traditions, even as marriage continues to evolve in the modern world. While polygamy is no longer legal in most parts of the world, the legacy of these early systems lives on in our social norms, and the journey through the stages of marriage continues to shape the way we think about love, family, and society.

As we reflect on these fascinating historical developments, it’s clear that human relationships have always been fluid, evolving, and adaptive to changing circumstances—just as they are today.