The Myth of the “Unbreakable” Traditional Marriage
For centuries, many assumed traditional Chinese society only permitted men to initiate divorce through the “Seven Outs” system while denying women any legal recourse. However, historical records reveal a more nuanced reality—especially during the culturally vibrant Song Dynasty (960-1279 CE). Contrary to popular belief, mutual consent divorces called “heli” (和离) were neither uncommon nor stigmatized. Women actively filed for separation using terms like “seeking divorce” (求离) or “requesting departure” (求去), supported by surprisingly progressive laws.
Legal Frameworks for Equality
The Song Penal Code (宋刑统) explicitly stated: “If husband and wife cannot live harmoniously and mutually agree to separate, neither shall be punished.” Judicial commentaries elaborated: “When affections are lost and both willingly part, the law does not intervene.”
Further protections emerged in special circumstances:
– Wives could remarry if husbands abandoned them financially (Continued Comprehensive Mirror for Aid in Governance)
– Women gained divorce rights if husbands were exiled (Clearing Judgments Collection)
– Three-year disappearances automatically dissolved marriages
– Forced prostitution attempts—even unconsummated—warranted separation (Qingyuan Legal Precedents)
Famous Cases of “Consent Divorce”
### The Obsessed Scholar
Li Zhi’s Records of Teachers and Friends recounts how scholar Zhang Yuanbi neglected his beautiful wife to obsessively read Su Shi’s poetry. When she divorced him, Zhang proudly boasted to friends: “My devotion to Master Su’s writings cost me my marriage!”
### The Merchant’s Justice
Hong Mai’s Yijian Zhi documents merchant Wang Balang abandoning his wife for a mistress. She dragged him to court, where the judge granted:
– Equal asset division
– Full custody of their daughter
Reasoning: “Should the child follow him, she would surely become destitute.”
Cultural Backlash and Conservative Criticism
The Qin Tang Yu Su Bian lamented shifting attitudes:
“Nowadays, marriages lack solemnity. Affections between couples grow thin. Men view taking wives like buying livestock; women treat husbands’ homes as passing inns.” This conservative text decried the normalization of divorce amid Song China’s evolving social landscape.
Tang-Song Divorce Agreements: Elegance in Separation
Dunhuang manuscripts preserved over a dozen Tang-Song era “separation letters” (放妻书)—remarkably poetic divorce contracts emphasizing mutual respect. Key features included:
### Standardized Structure
1. Philosophical Preamble
“We speak of marital bonds: deep in kindness, weighty in duty…”
2. Neutral Blame Attribution
“Like cats and mice dwelling together” or “If karmic ties misfit, we face as foes”
3. Asset Division Clauses
“Divide possessions freely” (Property split)
“Three years’ clothing and food” (Alimony provisions)
4. Benedictory Farewells
“May you remarry nobility” / “Parting loosens knots, ends resentments”
### Notable Examples
– Wife A’Meng’s “Husband-Release Document”
A rare female-initiated case where relatives witnessed her expelling the husband.
– Open Remarriage Encouragement
Multiple contracts expressly blessed former spouses’ future unions without stigma.
The Yuan-Ming Shift: From Poetry to Pragmatism
Post-Song documents reflect cultural transformation:
– Yuan Dynasty (Yuan Dianzhang) mandated blunt financial disclosures in marriage contracts
– Qing divorce papers focused on fault accusations (“disobedient to in-laws”)
– Romantic phrasing gave way to legalistic terms like “eternal severance”
Why This Matters Today
These documents reveal:
1. Medieval Chinese women enjoyed unexpected legal agency
2. Divorce carried less stigma during cultural zeniths
3. Elegant conflict resolution reflects societal refinement
As Confucius taught: “What you do not desire, do not impose upon others.” The Song approach to divorce—prioritizing dignity over discord—offers timeless wisdom for modern relationships. Perhaps we’ve lost more than ancient calligraphy in forgetting these civilized separations.