Is Our Destiny Set at Birth?

We often assume that youth means unlimited potential. But as life unfolds, we begin to wonder: is fate predetermined? The ancient Chinese saying goes, “At three, you see the child; at seven, you see the man.” In other words, the conditions of our early life shape our future more than we like to admit.

This question becomes particularly compelling when we look at the life of Liu Rushi, a woman born into the turbulent late Ming Dynasty. Her story is one of talent, tragedy, and resilience—a testament to how much (or how little) we can control our own fate.

Born Into Struggle: Liu Rushi’s Early Life

Liu Rushi was born in Jiaxing, Zhejiang, during the waning years of the Ming Dynasty. Though her family was initially well-off, financial ruin struck when she was just a child. At around four or five years old, her parents had no choice but to send her away, and she eventually fell into the hands of human traffickers. She was sold into a brothel in Wujiang, Shengze, where she was raised under the guidance of a renowned courtesan, Madam Xu Fo.

Despite these bleak beginnings, Liu Rushi flourished. She became an accomplished poet, calligrapher, and musician, attracting the admiration of scholars and nobles alike. By her teenage years, she had gained significant fame in the Jiangnan literary circles. But talent alone was not enough to secure her future.

The Men Who Shaped (and Failed) Her Destiny

Her beauty and intellect caught the attention of Zhou Daoteng, a former high-ranking official who had fallen from grace. Enchanted by her charm, he bought her freedom and took her as a concubine. However, their happiness was short-lived—Zhou died within a year, and his family promptly threw Liu Rushi out.

Once again, she had to fend for herself. She returned to the world of courtesans but refused to be merely a plaything. Disguising herself as a man, she joined intellectual gatherings and formed friendships with Song Zhengyu and Chen Zilong, both distinguished scholars. However, societal norms dictated that a courtesan could never be fully accepted into the literati class. Their relationships remained unfulfilled.

Then, she met Qian Qianyi, a respected official and poet, who defied convention by marrying her as his legal wife rather than a concubine. It was an extraordinary move—one that both scandalized society and gave Liu Rushi a sense of legitimacy she had never known.

A Nation Falls, and So Does a Dream

In 1645, the Ming Dynasty fell to the invading Qing forces. Qian Qianyi, once a loyal Ming official, talked of martyrdom—even declaring that he should die for his country. Liu Rushi, ever defiant, responded: “Then I should die for you.”

They both went to drown themselves in a river. But at the last moment, Qian hesitated. “The water is too cold,” he admitted. Liu, however, threw herself in without hesitation. Though she was rescued, her respect for Qian was forever diminished.

Even after this moment of cowardice, Liu Rushi encouraged him to support Ming loyalists like Zheng Chenggong (Koxinga) in their resistance against the Qing. But history favored the victors. The Qing Dynasty consolidated power, and Qian Qianyi died in disgrace.

Liu Rushi, now widowed and stripped of any remaining hope, chose to end her own life. She was in her forties.

The Legacy of Liu Rushi: Fate or Choice?

Historian Chen Yinke, in The Biography of Liu Rushi, described her as the embodiment of national integrity. Her unwavering spirit, her refusal to be merely a victim of circumstance, and her determination to control her destiny—even in an era that denied women autonomy—make her an unforgettable figure in Chinese history.

Her life also forces us to ask: how much of our fate is truly within our control?

  1. The Time You Are Born In Matters. Liu Rushi was born into a collapsing dynasty, limiting her options from the start. Would her life have been different in a more stable era?
  2. Where You Are Born Shapes You. Growing up in Jiangnan, a cultural hub, gave Liu Rushi access to education and influential people. But it also confined her within rigid class structures.
  3. Family Background Determines Your Starting Line. She was born into a declining family, meaning she had to fight for every inch of progress in her life.

And yet—despite all these disadvantages—she defied societal norms. She refused to be just another courtesan. She demanded love and respect on her own terms. Though she ultimately could not escape the limitations of her time, she made an indelible mark on history.

Lessons for the Modern World

Liu Rushi’s story is not just a relic of the past. It speaks to the struggles of women seeking agency, of people trying to escape the circumstances of their birth, and of those who refuse to let society define them.

In today’s world, we might not be bound by the same rigid structures, but we still face questions of fate vs. free will. Can we change our destiny by moving to a new city? By breaking away from family expectations? By embracing education and self-improvement?

Liu Rushi’s life suggests that while we may not choose the hand we are dealt, we can still play our cards with courage and conviction.

Because sometimes, the difference between fate and choice is simply the willingness to jump into the water—even when it’s cold.